Preparing.

As John loads another round of boxes for storage, I walk through our almost empty rooms and take a moment. For the first time, I let it all sink in and immediately feel my heart sink into my stomach. This isn't just another move, it's a giant leap into our future. 

Starting shortly after we dated, John & I became accustomed to chaos. We were never idle for long together, whether we were dealing with family tragedies, surprise pregnancies or career shifts. There has always been a "What's next"" element that we have grown used to. And we have prevailed- above all else- stronger than before. I know we will survive what's coming.

But shit, does it suck.

I guess I've been too distracted to soak it all in. I keep playing through the mundane parts of my day where I can call John and just chat. Or that moment when he comes home from work and I let out a sigh of relief, that our Daddy is home. Beyond not having him beside me at night, I won't have my partner during the days. 

He is making a sacrifice, not only to live a dream but to provide a better future for our family. I support him one thousand percent. I stand by him, beaming with pride at his service. 

We will survive. I will keep the kids distracted so they don't let the sadness sink in & I will reach out and ask for support, even when I'm not so good at doing that. We will be stronger for him when he's done and our family will fall that much more in love upon his return. We can do this.

But it's going to fucking suck.